The Robert Harris Memorial Fund

This is to help develop - an  independently funded research website!












Keith and mouthwash.jpg


For the good of the youth of todayÖ





1. Ignore your parents advice.


2. Remember kids, the natural colour for teef is brown; the darker the healthier.  This is why we all need to be encouraged to start smoking as young as possible.  Pre-school age isnít too young.  Keef recommends at least 50 cigarettes a day and four reefers.


3. For mouthwash, Keef recommends a strong alcoholic solution to be taken orally four times a day (and eight times at night).  70% proof (or higher) straight whisky (or if none of the former is available, 80% proof whiskey will do).  Please note that gin, rum and/or vodka will only suffice as a last resort.  Caution kids: Remember that lager, beer and wine are just for Beatle fans, road managers and children under seven.


4. Every decade kids you should think about flossing your teef.  The floss that Keef strongly recommends are metal guitar strings which are easily available from a roadie.  However, if the latter are in rehab, donít forget your friendly road manager as a last resort.  They usually do f**k all anyway so it will ensure that they earn their doe for a change...